Wednesday, August 08, 2007

Pervy Purvis

A friend recently sent me a link to an online sexual predator database that magically generates every registered offender who lives in your area.

With a little trepidation, I typed in my address and held my breath as the page loaded. I half expected a little red flag to appear on top of MY house as the friendly, animated representation of my creepo landlord/neighbor. Thankfully, my house was clear (I guess the hiring of hookers and attendance at swingers parties doesn't quite qualify you for this particular website's elite).

With my immediate worries relieved, I commenced clicking on the colorful flags surrounding my neighborhood.

Now, I realize that sexual abuse is no laughing matter, but the sexual abusers' mugshots are pure comedic fodder. Seriously. These men are the singularly most strange-looking group of individuals I've ever laid eyes on.

I was happily clicking and snickering away when the mugshot of the man directly south of me stopped me dead in my tracks:

HOLY HELL. This guy is the ultimate poster child for sexual predators.

1) His god-given name is actually (and quite fittingly) Larry Purvis.
2) Did he intentionally make that face or is it what he looks like all of the time?
3) Why the fuck does he have a surgical mask dangling from one ear?

Although definitely disturbing, I have NEVER laughed so hard in my ENTIRE LIFE.


Blogger Lesley said...

HIGHlarious post, Rach. Now, send me the link so I can prove once and for all that the man up the street likes kiddie porn. Thanks.

9:00 AM  
Blogger Rachel said...


Have at it!

2:56 PM  
Blogger Kevin Barbieux said...

He's probably HIV positive, and a spitter.

9:44 AM  
Blogger Marc said...

Holy crap! There's two child molesters that live right around the corner from the middle school in Gallatin.

11:13 AM  
Anonymous Meredith said...

I visited that site earlier this year and was chilled by this same photo.

What's even scarier to me: the normal looking predators who haven't been caught yet.

12:04 PM  
Blogger Ryan said..., I guess all thats left is to wait for Chris Hansen to come to your neighborhood for his next dateline NBC special.

5:49 PM  

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