"WOAH!"
It is official. An iconic figure from my childhood has tragically been shattered and I've been left standing in the swirling abyss of my rapidly vanishing girlhood dreams.
Let me explain.
Back in the day, I had a serious thing for Joey Lawrence. And I do mean S-E-R-I-O-U-S.
I purchased BOP magazines solely for the pictures of him. Blossom was my LIFE and I (unfortunately) bought one of those terrible sunflower-clad denim hats as a result. I even watched the short-lived Brotherly Love because both he and his look-a-like siblings starred (three for the price of one!!)
But all of that was nothing in comparison to his stunning album debut. One word: glorious.
JOEY LAWRENCE (clever title, no?) was the second CD I owned, falling shortly behind Ace of Base. And it definitely got some serious wear. For six months, it was the only CD that played in the car as my mom shuttled me to and from school...poor thing. (Aside: I actually still have this CD and several years ago, played it for my mom...who can still sing along to every word. We laughed for a good 20 minutes upon discovering this fact.)
This is the Joey Lawrence I know and love:
And THIS is the horror which he has become:
Why, Joey? Why? Why must you shave your head to look like a bouncer at a trendy gay club...and then airbrush tan it? Why must you cut the arms out of your flamboyant silk shirt? Why must you wear stretchy little suit pants that show your every hip thrust? WHY?!?
The strangest part is that he's actually married. To a woman. Who is fairly good-looking. Who sits in the front of the audience and claps her little heart out while he's dancing.
While Mrs. Lawrence may be putting on a happy, supportive face, I KNOW deep down she's choking back sobs and wondering if she'll ever be able to sleep with him again (at least without either weeping or gagging).
She HAS to be. Because not only does that video clip destroy my girlish fantasies, it makes my woman parts recoil in horror.
And will surely haunt my dreams.
Let me explain.
Back in the day, I had a serious thing for Joey Lawrence. And I do mean S-E-R-I-O-U-S.
I purchased BOP magazines solely for the pictures of him. Blossom was my LIFE and I (unfortunately) bought one of those terrible sunflower-clad denim hats as a result. I even watched the short-lived Brotherly Love because both he and his look-a-like siblings starred (three for the price of one!!)
But all of that was nothing in comparison to his stunning album debut. One word: glorious.
JOEY LAWRENCE (clever title, no?) was the second CD I owned, falling shortly behind Ace of Base. And it definitely got some serious wear. For six months, it was the only CD that played in the car as my mom shuttled me to and from school...poor thing. (Aside: I actually still have this CD and several years ago, played it for my mom...who can still sing along to every word. We laughed for a good 20 minutes upon discovering this fact.)
This is the Joey Lawrence I know and love:
And THIS is the horror which he has become:Why, Joey? Why? Why must you shave your head to look like a bouncer at a trendy gay club...and then airbrush tan it? Why must you cut the arms out of your flamboyant silk shirt? Why must you wear stretchy little suit pants that show your every hip thrust? WHY?!?
The strangest part is that he's actually married. To a woman. Who is fairly good-looking. Who sits in the front of the audience and claps her little heart out while he's dancing.
While Mrs. Lawrence may be putting on a happy, supportive face, I KNOW deep down she's choking back sobs and wondering if she'll ever be able to sleep with him again (at least without either weeping or gagging).
She HAS to be. Because not only does that video clip destroy my girlish fantasies, it makes my woman parts recoil in horror.
And will surely haunt my dreams.
posted by Rachel at 3:30 PM
6 Comments:
I don't remember Joey Lawrence?
I do remember a David Cassidy from the Partridge Family and and orginal show " Starsky and Hutch".
Woah! Even teenage actors grow up and so do we....
Lawrence was a nice looking middle aged man, but I admit he would look better in just a pair jeans and a t-shirt.
d.
Mrs. L is probably thrilled he has a gig.
I figure he must be balding from the back is the reason for the shaved head.
I wonder what Nell Carter (RIP) would think
Oh wow. Tears rolling down my face from laughter. I had the Joey Lawrence TAPE...which really shows off my age. Ace of Bass was the second CD I purchased. Sad to see JL turn out the way he has. He was also in one of those romantic comedies produced for Oxygen, Confessions of a Sociopathic Social Climber, with Jennifer Love Hewitt. He plays....drumroll please...a gay man!
Don't ever show us anything like that again.
wow. i mean, whoa. i was a big JL fan, too. the sad part of that is the fact that i am now and was then a completely heterosexual male.
i have distinctive memories of MTV Spring Break circa maybe 1992-ish, when JL debuted as a musical artist. i, too, ran out and purchased that album, only to face months, if not years, of ridicule from all my friends.
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