[Land]lord Help Us All
I just realized it's been quite a while since I've made any postings about my creepo of a landlord. Mainly because things became normal (or as normal as possible) when the psychotic, skunk-haired "fiance" moved back in the spring. My roommate and I were almost convinced they'd actually get married. Especially after "The X-Files" box mysteriously disappeared...
But our reprieve from drama ended several weeks ago when the screaming started back up from the air vents. Heated accusations were made about torrid affairs and before we knew it, she was dragging armloads of clothes to her car. And things have taken a dizzying turn downhill ever since.
Because he has no job and sits in his side of the house for up to 72 hours straight, he's become desperate for social interaction. To the point where he knocks on our door to ask us random questions and then stays for half an hour. My trick of pretending I'm on my cell phone when I pass him is no longer working. He'll talk to me until I "hang up". Which wouldn't be that big of a deal provided he had even a single ounce of social skill.
Last Friday, he was washing his car in the driveway as I was leaving for the Y.
Landlord: "You're going to workout, huh?"
Me: "It appears that way, yes."
Landlord: "I've noticed you leaving for the gym before the sun comes up some mornings."
Me: "Ummmmm, yeah." (Avoiding eye contact because I'm thoroughly creeped out at the thought of him peering through his blinds at 6:00 a.m.)
Landlord: "Way to keep that little body of yours in shape! Let me tell you, the payoff is obviously worth it!"
I swear I got into my car and gagged.
But it gets worse.
Yesterday, he started asking my roommate questions about her love life and whether she considered herself "exclusive". And in a sudden turn for the weirder, inquired as to the status of one of our close guy friends. Whom he called "handsome" and "dapper".
I'm almost positive that "The X-Files II" is going to appear downstairs any day now. The only real question now is about WHAT kind of porn it'll contain.
All in favor of Man Handlers IV, say "aye".
But our reprieve from drama ended several weeks ago when the screaming started back up from the air vents. Heated accusations were made about torrid affairs and before we knew it, she was dragging armloads of clothes to her car. And things have taken a dizzying turn downhill ever since.
Because he has no job and sits in his side of the house for up to 72 hours straight, he's become desperate for social interaction. To the point where he knocks on our door to ask us random questions and then stays for half an hour. My trick of pretending I'm on my cell phone when I pass him is no longer working. He'll talk to me until I "hang up". Which wouldn't be that big of a deal provided he had even a single ounce of social skill.
Last Friday, he was washing his car in the driveway as I was leaving for the Y.
Landlord: "You're going to workout, huh?"
Me: "It appears that way, yes."
Landlord: "I've noticed you leaving for the gym before the sun comes up some mornings."
Me: "Ummmmm, yeah." (Avoiding eye contact because I'm thoroughly creeped out at the thought of him peering through his blinds at 6:00 a.m.)
Landlord: "Way to keep that little body of yours in shape! Let me tell you, the payoff is obviously worth it!"
I swear I got into my car and gagged.
But it gets worse.
Yesterday, he started asking my roommate questions about her love life and whether she considered herself "exclusive". And in a sudden turn for the weirder, inquired as to the status of one of our close guy friends. Whom he called "handsome" and "dapper".
I'm almost positive that "The X-Files II" is going to appear downstairs any day now. The only real question now is about WHAT kind of porn it'll contain.
All in favor of Man Handlers IV, say "aye".
posted by Rachel at 3:26 PM
3 Comments:
I was thinking of "Rambone; This man is gonna stick it to you" ...yeah, it's original.
That is awesome. I love creepy dude stories.
I highly recommend All My Sons moving. They're very efficient and affordable.
Post a Comment
<< Home