You'd THINK I Was Making This Up
Just when I decide the landlord situation can't possibly get any weirder, it does.
Last night, I'd been home from work less than ten minutes when there was a knock on our back door. When I opened it, lo and behold, the landlord was standing there looking both smug and tan.
I managed, "Oh...you're back," in the most monotone, shoot-me-in-the-face voice I could possibly muster.
He grinned, told me he wanted to show my roommate and me something and presented us with a shopping bag of jewelry that he'd just bought for "his new babe in Naples".
(Apparently, when not serving time, he met a "German veterinarian with platinum hair down to her ass" and has decided that she's "the one". And just in case you were curious, he doesn't yet "know her in the Biblical sense, but judging by her dance moves, she'll be extremely athletic in the bedroom".) BLECH.
He then insisted on showing us her picture in his email. Not knowing how to avoid it, we begrudgingly followed him into his side and stood silently while he booted up his computer.
All of the sudden, the desktop wallpaper appeared.
And it was definitely a picture of the ex-fiance, topless, in some crazy, dominatrix-style stirrup getup, bent over their kitchen counter.
Honestly, everything gets a little blurry at this point--which is apparently what happens when you go into shock. I do remember him muttering, "Oh shit! I'm sorry! You weren't supposed to see that!" and me shielding my eyes in horror.
After regaining my wits and saying, "On that note, we have to get to the grocery store," we fled to the safety of our side.
We'd barely closed our door before dive bombing onto my roommate's bed and dissolving into hysterics. We lay there and shook with laughter until tears streamed down our faces. Once we finally regained our ability to breathe, we decided that a) that was singlehandedly the most awkward moment of our lives and b) our friends might not believe us.
I keep thinking it can't get worse, but it inevitably does. So what could possibly be next? Discovering him in the backyard with a prostitute? Him getting hammered and knocking on our door naked? Oh, to think what the future might hold...
On a positive note, the creepo is (thank God) planning to move to Naples in January. He asked us if we would help find a renter, so if anyone is interested in renting out his side (after a good bleach dousing), please inquire within. If I have my say, the screening process will be quite extensive.
Last night, I'd been home from work less than ten minutes when there was a knock on our back door. When I opened it, lo and behold, the landlord was standing there looking both smug and tan.
I managed, "Oh...you're back," in the most monotone, shoot-me-in-the-face voice I could possibly muster.
He grinned, told me he wanted to show my roommate and me something and presented us with a shopping bag of jewelry that he'd just bought for "his new babe in Naples".
(Apparently, when not serving time, he met a "German veterinarian with platinum hair down to her ass" and has decided that she's "the one". And just in case you were curious, he doesn't yet "know her in the Biblical sense, but judging by her dance moves, she'll be extremely athletic in the bedroom".) BLECH.
He then insisted on showing us her picture in his email. Not knowing how to avoid it, we begrudgingly followed him into his side and stood silently while he booted up his computer.
All of the sudden, the desktop wallpaper appeared.
And it was definitely a picture of the ex-fiance, topless, in some crazy, dominatrix-style stirrup getup, bent over their kitchen counter.
Honestly, everything gets a little blurry at this point--which is apparently what happens when you go into shock. I do remember him muttering, "Oh shit! I'm sorry! You weren't supposed to see that!" and me shielding my eyes in horror.
After regaining my wits and saying, "On that note, we have to get to the grocery store," we fled to the safety of our side.
We'd barely closed our door before dive bombing onto my roommate's bed and dissolving into hysterics. We lay there and shook with laughter until tears streamed down our faces. Once we finally regained our ability to breathe, we decided that a) that was singlehandedly the most awkward moment of our lives and b) our friends might not believe us.
I keep thinking it can't get worse, but it inevitably does. So what could possibly be next? Discovering him in the backyard with a prostitute? Him getting hammered and knocking on our door naked? Oh, to think what the future might hold...
On a positive note, the creepo is (thank God) planning to move to Naples in January. He asked us if we would help find a renter, so if anyone is interested in renting out his side (after a good bleach dousing), please inquire within. If I have my say, the screening process will be quite extensive.
posted by Rachel at 2:45 PM
2 Comments:
The situation with the place next door is riveting in its preposterousness. I keep coming back to see what could have possibly happened next! Even though his moving out may decrease the incidence of crazy anecdotes and stories, I'm relieved for your sake that he's planning to move. What a freak!
I, like Lynnster, amd addicted to this storyline. ALthough I must say, what possessed you to walk into his appartment after what his ex-girlfriend said about him and his computer? Yeeee....
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