Growing, Growing...Grown.
Sometimes I wonder if I'll ever truly feel like an adult.
Don't get me wrong, I've grown up in leaps and bounds since leaving college. In the last two years of being on my own, my personality, belief systems and dreams have solidified. I know who I am...and I like her.
For the first time in my life, I feel perfectly content in my own skin.
But at the very same time, I have a hard time picturing myself as a glorified adult. Legally I am one, but the officialness of my age does nothing to change how I feel inside.
Sometimes I sit in professional business meetings in my professional business attire and feel like an impostor. Like someone playing dress-up. I worry that my colleagues and clients can sense my desire to be sleeping late or gabbing with friends instead of discussing important marketing strategies.
Admittedly, there's a big part of me that doesn't ever want to feel like an adult. I never want to lose my spontaneity and sense of adventure. I never want to lose my belief that people are essentially good and that our time here is too precious to be spent in mediocrity.
I long to someday be a 75-year-old lady who occasionally gets startled by her reflection because it doesn't coincide with her youthful, idealistic self. To have aged and matured, but not completely grown up, to not have lost my childlike delight in a world that can only be described as glorious.
In the last two years, I've unquestionably grown as a person. And I've learned a lot along the way. But I'm definitely not done yet. I truly believe that while our backgrounds and circumstances may have influenced who we are, we are solely responsible for who we become.
And that in the end, life is not about being anything. It's about becoming who you are.
In my case, I hope that that someone is nothing short of wonderful. In every sense of the word.
Don't get me wrong, I've grown up in leaps and bounds since leaving college. In the last two years of being on my own, my personality, belief systems and dreams have solidified. I know who I am...and I like her.
For the first time in my life, I feel perfectly content in my own skin.
But at the very same time, I have a hard time picturing myself as a glorified adult. Legally I am one, but the officialness of my age does nothing to change how I feel inside.
Sometimes I sit in professional business meetings in my professional business attire and feel like an impostor. Like someone playing dress-up. I worry that my colleagues and clients can sense my desire to be sleeping late or gabbing with friends instead of discussing important marketing strategies.
Admittedly, there's a big part of me that doesn't ever want to feel like an adult. I never want to lose my spontaneity and sense of adventure. I never want to lose my belief that people are essentially good and that our time here is too precious to be spent in mediocrity.
I long to someday be a 75-year-old lady who occasionally gets startled by her reflection because it doesn't coincide with her youthful, idealistic self. To have aged and matured, but not completely grown up, to not have lost my childlike delight in a world that can only be described as glorious.
In the last two years, I've unquestionably grown as a person. And I've learned a lot along the way. But I'm definitely not done yet. I truly believe that while our backgrounds and circumstances may have influenced who we are, we are solely responsible for who we become.
And that in the end, life is not about being anything. It's about becoming who you are.
In my case, I hope that that someone is nothing short of wonderful. In every sense of the word.
posted by Rachel at 2:36 PM
3 Comments:
I know what you mean with the whole imposter thing. When I had to wear a suit to the interview that got me my first job out of college(which I've been in now for about 5 months) I totally felt like I was dressing up to "look" the part of "grown-up ready for the work world complete with a college degree". I live in fear that one of these days someone is going to realize they hired a girl who's really still 16!
Most people are scared to realize how much control they have over their own life. It's easier when you can just sit back and blame everything on chance and fate. It's why society says, "Love just happens" and "it was fate" and "I was just in the right place at the right time".
If people realize that they're in control of who they become, then they have themselves to blame for where they are now. And who wants that?
How about some advice from an older, seasoned professional and undoubtedly official "grown-up." There comes a time in your life when you simply must put away childish things and...
hey, is that a puppy I hear?! I wanna plaaay!!
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