Holy Mess
Yesterday, my roommate and I decided we'd put an end to our long-running hedonistic streak and actually went to church. (We definitely high-fived as we pulled out of the driveway for being both up and dressed at 10:45 on a weekend morning.)
Not having a clue where to go, we decided to try a newly-built church located several blocks from our house.
Surprisingly, I loved it. Especially once I saw the church's motto emblazoned on a sign near the door: "We welcome you to join us in our journey of faith, regardless of age, race, gender, sexual orientation, economic or family status, ethnic background, mental or physical disabilities."
In my opinion, that's exactly how a church--and it's congregation--should be.
As we were waiting for the service to start, an attractive middle-aged man slid into the pew next to me. He flashed me a smile and asked me my name. So I told him.
Halfway through the service, he leaned over to ask me a question. Two minutes later, he asked another one. I politely told him that I didn't know much about the church, being it was my first time there. But that only shut him up temporarily.
Not five seconds after the service ended, he bombarded me with the typical questions: where are you from, how long have you lived here, blah, blah, blah.
We discovered that we lived within a block of each other and that he was a first-time church visitor as well.
Before I could politely excuse myself to follow my retreating roommate, he said (and I quote): "I was a member at another church for 10 years, but recently got excommunicated. Long story...it has to do with my psycho ex-wife. Hey! Since we live so close, why don't we get together sometime?"
I paused for a few seconds, staring at him in utter disbelief.
The first response that rushed to mind was, "Um...do you have a mental illness? Because what came out of your mouth just now was crazy talk."
Due to my holy location, I put my sassypants attitude in check and managed, "Or...maybe I'll just see you around church sometime..."
Or...maybe not.
Not having a clue where to go, we decided to try a newly-built church located several blocks from our house.
Surprisingly, I loved it. Especially once I saw the church's motto emblazoned on a sign near the door: "We welcome you to join us in our journey of faith, regardless of age, race, gender, sexual orientation, economic or family status, ethnic background, mental or physical disabilities."
In my opinion, that's exactly how a church--and it's congregation--should be.
As we were waiting for the service to start, an attractive middle-aged man slid into the pew next to me. He flashed me a smile and asked me my name. So I told him.
Halfway through the service, he leaned over to ask me a question. Two minutes later, he asked another one. I politely told him that I didn't know much about the church, being it was my first time there. But that only shut him up temporarily.
Not five seconds after the service ended, he bombarded me with the typical questions: where are you from, how long have you lived here, blah, blah, blah.
We discovered that we lived within a block of each other and that he was a first-time church visitor as well.
Before I could politely excuse myself to follow my retreating roommate, he said (and I quote): "I was a member at another church for 10 years, but recently got excommunicated. Long story...it has to do with my psycho ex-wife. Hey! Since we live so close, why don't we get together sometime?"
I paused for a few seconds, staring at him in utter disbelief.
The first response that rushed to mind was, "Um...do you have a mental illness? Because what came out of your mouth just now was crazy talk."
Due to my holy location, I put my sassypants attitude in check and managed, "Or...maybe I'll just see you around church sometime..."
Or...maybe not.
posted by Rachel at 4:19 PM
3 Comments:
You need to get a fake mole or something to put on your face when you go out. If it is big and hairy enough, it might scare off a few of the friendly creeps you attract.
Getting excommunicated? Blimey. That's no mean feat.
You certainly do attract them.
you should really think about compiling this blog into a book - I'd buy it.*
*(possibly, because it makes me feel better that the freaks that you attract are freakier than the freaks that I attract)
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